my horse died today

the bar was slammed_shouting into a dark agreement: “this is the atmosphere”


the show: vagina monologues performed by bangkok rising_an up n growing volunteer organization aiming to raise awareness and promote advocacy to end violence against women and children across a myriad of cultures_values_beliefs_& experience


vagina monologues is a play written by eve ensler_ensler created the play based off of real interviews with women and the relationships they have with their bodies_this global non-profit movement promotes the international stage of the play as it esteems the voracious_the shame_the aggression_the wisdom_the liberation_the tenderness_the laughter_the ugliness and beauty_of the encompass; a womans experience of her body


the venue: checkinn 99_is a cabaret club and nightclub located off of sukhumvit in bangkok_thailand_both parties donated all funds from the performances to “in search of sanuk”: a local non-profit organization that reinvigorates survivors of torture & trauma


we retain meaning_we are not all survivors_some of us are


the play opens with a series of voices_most prominently rising towards justice_when “the story is told” & the “law is a living and breathing thing”_I witnessed both performances & each was appropriate & significant_during the first show I could not stop that loud guttural sometimes inappropriate laugh_ during the second watch I listened to the monologue “water village” a story based off of female genital mutilation & I had to leave


7-10 people in thailand agree that abuse is a permissible action_3-4 women in the united states are abused in some manner during their lifetime_I left the building_I came home_I drank_I left for morning to get breakfast with a friend_I left my purse with my friend_I blacked out and woke up in the lobby of a thailand police station crying as I asked them to take me home


“are you sure this is who you are?” they kept asking me_ laughing_the police chief drove me home on his new classy private white motorbike_I remember the folks giving me a tour of the station_I do not know if this was real


I went to a punk show the next night_I spiked my friends hair for three hours_I jumped in the mosh pit_I fell down_I was picked up_many times_I sat outside and someone kicked me in my back_I made out with a someone_I spent the night with a someone_I wondered what they hell was going on and where I was going to move


I went to work_I did laundry_I thought about how reprogramming the after effects of trauma are instrumental connections to the movement of ones own multiple characters


today my mother emailed me to let me know that my horse died_her mothers name was saturday sunday_she died on my sunday and her saturday_the best confluence of moments happened in forgiveness


I am a survivor_ it is the year of the lunar horse

just sent

why speaking to my mother tore you

heart bleed



swimmers ear

the money

under the door

beside the dried bricks of blood


the swimming pool sex was pretty great

I’m cunting it

don’t bother me I’m being cunty


malicious bastards that should die

quiet similar to your words

don’t bother me I’m bleeding

maybe I will clean up my own blood with a fucking spoon

hey clockwork orange actually fucking happened


4.22.14 014

on a train sober

also morning

it’s insulting

makes you a stripper homey

I do not understand some people. being an over privileged white radiologists with gross fingers & glittering french manicures


It does not silly sweet my favorite


not satan

just a guy

just think

today satan could have been eating caramelized popcorn with his chica wandering cray on motorbikes through a music jungle

all the cray musical extremities of life


getting clean

because it’s mostly about trust

okay let’s do this packing crap



it’s not just female desire

maybe we should have stuck with the penis angels they seem more legit

a gerbil maybe

I prefer horses

back in the days of crappy hats & hoodies

I believe with invariable certainty


to be bored and procrastinating packing my shit

the spectacular curse is large wine women penis pouncing

cum bubbles

around the fire pit praying to their small goats


battery free should always include weed


and that my friend is okay

there is nothing more depressing than cleaning up your own blood

& I wish it was raining


4.22.14 039

waiting in the water pictures are strange

I also don’t want to hurt your life

I just want to say (I’m sorry )
battery died & found some weed go figure
at least it’s getting prettier
a shame really
I’m so cheerful right now
[and my phone will perish soon and leave me to watch the same fucking trees over and over again]
[I still have to pee though & highly doubt the smoke maneuver past this commanding elder chic]
that was sweet
the decrepit old lady knew I was trying to go to smoke
how did she do that?
don’t know if that was a good Easter move, but oh well
agro man agro
don’t want to go afro now
I think they are cute
what do people have against pigeons
no mas quicko interneto
not sure you would recommend crispy white sardines
pretty pungent
pretty strange
I am very hungry and common that was funny
now just crying on a train at a silent video
kissing on the train poem
fucking in the pool poem
poem life poem swept to nothing everything poem perhaps on a train poem
and the most beautiful private dance
I’m sorry I freaked
I feel much more positive after the breast picture and pink punk songs
okay not really but I stole the window seat
I have two seats on the train which is positive


4.22.14 044

enjoy their pillows

fucking fantastic

figuratively et literally

he cannot even vent correctly :

people need to realize there is such a thing as too many sheets & too much moth fucking tucking


a headache : I ‘ m fucking tired so much very much so

I don’t know the problem or the answer except it ‘ s really hot without fancy words


oh botty bot leave alone my words I ‘ m not up for data karma shit

I can ‘ t 601 the fight

resurrections havin a love square with pastel

no joke can fix


remember that time

you just wanted to lay & chow

on over prized chips

while the monk covered your lips

& held you , in his hip

stare shades


how can one unread

trash you may ask yourself

mind a little blown

a blast of large beards & cries are the laughter of cowboy boots

I keep on getting lost on the hotel grounds


got lots of I love yous

cheeks are sore

games holmes games

I have decided that teachers want nothing more

than to be treated like the same cray kiddos that they teach


oh my craxy god goodness

I have never had to take so many repetitive in a short amount of time happy smile pics in my life


4.22.14 035 4.22.14 036

broken glass

the mud stirs up the feet


hating freak outs


why cant she see her stickers


to forgetting her password

like floating

a little stretched

how to love

a need to leave


other than talking to herself

bombs initiate

breathing deeply

get angry about that


[there are far worse people in the world like the ones that try to kill people repeatedly for fun]

he probably does

slice off

a piece every night and stuff it under his tits to help him float

a fat ass that picks on pigeons

that is the world?


the message is as dry as songkran buts

if you liked my picture because it meant mary poppins than I am mistaken


suck it

I have mini ants


let me pet your wounded sex appendage

like mary poppins

one scolded me for walking alone in the dark

the mini ant in my crotch is driving me insane

because I’m a child

I like to play



leaving this place just like mother fucking mary fucking poppins

that is the point of humans

take it how you will

it is about human love

silliness with meaning to change nothingness is the how to change the world

it is only a trap

if apathy is not the message


4.22.14 029

stomach way fucked           

the nap only made her mare , exhausted

today they wrote short stories from their pictures

I had not seen the poem


“ protect my soul , do not become what I hate but become who I am ”

okay well that ‘ s a better translation

“ man , security in quotes … true very true ”


( unless loved ) is not loveista schematics

hey a bouquet of fresh orchids . in front of me . for five hours . on my desk .



class poem : the boy was in love . it was warm outside . the noise was too loud and he was annoyed . the girl was calm . they had a magical day .

oh my word .

resurrections havin a love square with pastel


keep calm there’s such a thing as sugar

“ that will save a sand dollar for your mother and remove your hair ”

& those éclairs look like decorated fanfare ( penis popsicles )


pigeons are unfortunately no competition for human children . she didn ‘ t even have teeth , but perhaps a nose of super human strength ? pigeons can be holy if they want

“ I hope I don ‘ t perish from growing wings or drinking tap water ”

I like the nails joke about jesus .

fictional lamo – s never lose self or world

to learn from the art and the meaning of experience and expression is to also lover


4.24.14 051

silly vag is better

a.) be prepared to disperse emergency kitten kitty blogs that break my fucking sun glasses pretty sure keith doesn’t deserve shit of my time b.) I like to rock & sweep my feet & challenge the are you modeling pick up line is shit padre . I have five more hours to go until I reach inferno . much more music please c.) a tit press magazine hot singles want my body I want someone who gets my mind. & gives me the most incredible sex of my life a really good fucking friend . all we need to heal is to have someone say: that’s fucking shit and I can relate and we can do this healing is possible. ate too much bacon & feel vomey again . fb sucks without pictures yes with bacon . bring it

d.) maybe I should get some sausages don’t think my internet is fast enough . it’s my tattooed acoustic bend unless I can have one more chance looked blank into the street … a shop nap across the street . the girl didn’t even look into my eyes e.) the children sell peanuts and flower wreaths boundaries . f.) a call to end domestic violence actually their box wine reminds me of back home. super mario wants his pants back you spelled pussy wrong

g.) an hour later she found a sidewalk and needed a fucking shrink and a drink no clue how I did this well wasn’t the shortest route in the world yep wrong turn . h.) again let us hope I don’t get lost


4.24.14 102

happy songkran !

I did not have to go to work today

to learn from expression is to also lover

I feel little

like a cloud

expands the ways in which we are able to love


translate unbalanced

drunken vole demon

meanings of experience is to also lover


it becomes an ocean

when fire improvises dance

& receives a flower necklace


I was blessed and blessed hundreds of

perfect score


hand writing phonics


this can work

a little blind

in person don’t mean anything

my dads brother liked that picture


4.8.14 056

happy Passover

I recorded the conversation

the instrumental I like

may we never lose self or world

hard fucking well dug graves

additional terms may apply

creative commons attribution share alike license

existentialist dilemma courtesy of her affair

let’s listen to a fucking waltz

everyone can pretty much fuck off

I don’t need u.

that is what nobody gets.

neither does disrespecting my space

free mango does not make things okay


I just can’t know how u think that it is okay

it’s simple I will move

may we never lose self or world


and that’s a passion

I fucking hate flies

and fucking get a better insult than cunt

apologies do not exist as insults

I’m going to vomit

hey its the fucky you song


it’s about cock &

my phone will die

pink is springs new ink

your bra may be killing u has got to be the greatest opening line

samba, baby


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