part three

tomorrow I will apply. maybe apply.

a really sweet boy said he would come to me in beijing I am ok with this kind of excited, there is such a thing as being too nice & it’s very easy to see this. the tone is really in your pussy. it’s actually getting a quiet mean I just imagine dragons or something. she became more of a dog than a horse. running with her as a little filly. It’s too early for music I think.

my cough is better. I survived. I could feel the mucus being pulled into other parts. It was anxiety. ok morning. wow I hate synthetic medicine. he helped me so much. frequencies like medicine bowls just like I asked for it worked. bomb the innocent past with good frequencies. my gosh. what good notes & transitions for so long let’s see morning.

anxiety was giving me bronchitis? my cough seems almost gone. the music opened my diaphragm & I could feel it working it absorbed everything. almost everything. words are the inevitable unapproachable doomsday of miscommunication. need to listen thinking is painful. I told some stranger all my deepest darkest secrets willingly. thanks antibiotics. antibiotics gosh that’s some weird reaction I think is very particular to me. antibiotics are rough. give me till Tuesday. I need an elixer. I can’t miss more work.

what could I write about other than kissing him forever. a genetic human one I didn’t learn this. I forgive too easily it’s actually a skill. come to me sweet person so that I can be sweetly justified. ironically I think he is banking on this. oh. no will work on this he is so cute. I do love his technical stiff but come on. he sounds like a dad nun. some people are actually stuck in the 70s it makes NO sense whatsoever.

part two

book week

the story is city mouse & country mouse. our background is a palace & the puppet house fits perfectly. we will sing the wheels on the bus. the vocabulary is too high for children super fast so the subliminal messaging is crazy. our mc is garfield. what a crazy song that’s why you never remember the chorus. tomorrow we will be the three blind mice we spent so much time on these ears.

the dream is that my neighbor was trying to get into the van & there was a terrible crash which is why I had to legitimately call I to work it was snowing. she is still getting used to center time & speaking english she is fine was only because I was alone. why did I have to get my period today & poor paris she was trying to bond with me bumped her head & I had none of my team she got so sad.

she just wanted someone she could trust to hear her. my student was cute on his nose in chinese class & they said nothing why? I have so many questions why. my alarm didn’t go off this created a whole world of fables that are not really which is what I teach what the fuck. people are scaring left & right & firing me for figuring out my future. ok. humans have lost all empathy & what it means to be human. they gave me one month because I was sick.

I need simple. does love matter anymore? I’ve dealt with such hard people for so long what is the point I’m teaching fucking boat. okay maybe I still try to apply tomorrow. everything is grey with anticipation & quiet

it’s quite soothing actually very gentle. it’s not raining. bangkok is in a cloud. we are in a mist. I feel so much better.

it’s my achillies heel. I love when people know my favorite nickname.

part one

was just published super thankful is an amazing read

sorry teacher I forgot. I needed you to remind me. do you want to know I got a c in french and ap chemistry & still graduated with honors? it was that first balcony of the munich summer we walked the narrow cobblestone roads licking the isar river & drinking some sky. birthday posts always make me miss so many at once old & new. when the universe deals you a temporary wrong hand it’s always such a sweet demonstration of the complete complete right ones, if only for a moment, in disguise.

I should have never fallen for german boys they emptied me. she manipulated the yellow dress to say slow down so her deficit was null. I really do not like some people right now & really love some people right now & they know who they are. I still can’t find home. my dad told me I don’t have a home & he’s scared about one with him. I don’t have a home quite literally.

for me not for anyone else I still try to help but it was lost. at least here I can tell my neighbors to turn their fucking music down in my apartment. it’s actually the worst feeling that you are leaving a place not on youtube terms. I hate auto correct. I miss cooking I miss kitchens maybe in beijing I will have a real house & not feel so temporary.

I didn’t learn about love however until I had given up.

really wish I had stayed there that was the start of my demise. of boys. I don’t want this to be a theme any more.

the exclamation was from high school. every high school should greet you with an exclamation point. super grounding. I will write about the birthday weekend after book day. maybe I will meet a boy I’m very shy.

indonesian folk songs

I didn’t mean those things … the world fell from beneath me … so different from the week before … I feel like I climbed a mountain was so amazing & they are so nice, the mountain guy I will see tonight. tonight I played so fucking well with a whole band each song by ear. I care about this one. was sweating through the whole set. they just kept me up there. I could play everything from queen to nirvana to billy joel to aerosmith we couldn’t stop kissing. indonesian folk songs to sweet child of mine. we couldn’t stop kissing.


this is the longest upload in the history of uploads. don’t play with my heart. I have never been so happy to hear hotel california. rock music by my house with a tiny beer & my violin beside me. I will go on a hike tomorrow & finally capture the sunset.


the neon pic sign that welcomes you into this place I am sure I have been before. when we go inside it says hey gorgeous tomorrow they have a live stage on the street. I walked for forty minutes on the beach back in the dark & by some miracle came out at my exact exit for my hostel without gps. marooned in the rain entertained by two sweet Indonesians who serenaded me told me they loved my tattoo & teachers & then I got a gig. swimming in the rain looks nice.


I am so unsure about moving . what I mostly wanted to do was see him before he left.

night swimming

it was his brothers band I got there early & ate calamari. I felt awkward the waitress said I was beautiful the drummer agreed so I went up we played a slow first song on my solo the drummer behind me & the bassist gasped / I got so nervous the next song was take me home but I was nervous & shenia twain I felt I sounded fake don’t really like those songs. the drunk friendly very blond australian asked me why I was sitting alone just before. afterwards commended my playing & then the jimmy jealous drummer showed up & we had a funny chat … josh he told everyone joe was very insistent & funny & I said one of my favorite things here was to walk on the beach at night … so we dropped his motorbike & my violin … then after walking a bit sat then he said let’s swim in the ocean. I followed it was so sweet & funny in the almost full moon. he found a sand dollar & thought it was a crab head threw it back into the ocean saw some guys on the shore near our bag thought nothing of it. we came back & sat happy tired from the surf & he noticed his bag missing. I felt in mine & my flip-flops my little makeup bag with all my shells & my phone & power bank was gone. He asked me to check my wallet all cash gone.we went to the hotel demanded the police & they rolled their eyes saying that this happens all the time the police were busy. so we walked back he had no motorbike key or. hotel part of me thinks again this was all too much of a coincidence & I was actually the one who was scammed. he bed me because of everything it was nice. he left the next morning asking maybe to stay with me but left to canguu. I was left with emptiness & a desire to get a phone & come home. today I got a really slow cheap phone I’m going back tomorrow to see if there is something better. my friend I want to see I will when I get back … he said rest & sleep maybe play tomorrow or visit the bassist but then yes to the arms I know are true. I don’t want to go to. china but it is the only to do. maybe see again. I don’t know how I feel about this.