I was alvaro’s lacrosse champion

in love with fossils & boys as winter snowed in faces. there was a tournament at midnight & I had an older brother.

omg they are like my little wolf pack they are just having trouble with the meaning of patience lately. that’s why it looks yellow mine’s more red. im playing a rental violin there it was right after I played at his funeral. when you talk about a friend you mean a friend. well that’s good to process. it was casual because I thought maybe it was the fans oh gosh. wow people are really lucky that there are worlds bigger than themselves. today angle brought in and played a pink violin. there was also a flat tire incident on the highway on the way to school but I don’t want to post that picture.

can’t believe I got it sweet dreams. we made bracelets which are surprisingly difficult. we are studying the aabb pattern. I am really good at interviews. this is amazing. maybe with the kids tomorrow morning. wow think I’ll be headed to beijing in july. first chinese dudes stood me up. I’m still working in munich. weird. I am still working in munich? it was so expensive for wheat & no sex. I miss germany I’m not sure why I miss a person here but im not sure he misses someone else. one thing: she said is he cute or am I trippin. it was just a date. I’m not very good at those. he tricked me on the train & I missed my one stop away my mind literally blanked & walked back. I tipped her 20 bhat & thanked her & her eyes were so sweet looking in disbelief. then everyone tipped her. sweet on the river.

maybe china would be good

he told me I wouldn’t believe that he loved me but I do. maybe we will meet again someday I wish it was just later today. I wish we were closer. we forgave each other. this means the world. just had a really true orgasm not sure how to interpret this. gonna try to sleep. I miss his voice his touch his kisses. his tongue. I actually do miss him. we talked for the first time just now I wish things had been different or that he could visit me. I don’t know about china. I don’t really know what that means except maybe berlin if thailand won’t help me with a doctorate it makes no sense to be here.

last weekend a special needs japanese man who couldn’t speak english hid in the bushes on the roof, jumped in front of me shoved a cigarette in my face repeatedly & then spit in my hair. I made a formal complaint, but there was nothing that they could do. there is such a thing to win because you fight & it is quite another to do so with simply being empathetic flexible challenging adaptable & kind. it’s simple.

today I will practice

chocolate was for breakfast. hopefully my date is free today this blows. she has another nightmare but luckily can’t remember it. it will be okay. I forgot to eat yesterday was so stupid. sometimes you just have to remind yourself you are pretty. like differing views of logic.  we planted zinnias which will be flowering soon including a mystery plant. I don’t actually give stickers because I think that you can inspire motivation by watering plants. I always give it’s my thing, but the world should allow me to do this without deficit. the whole greed thing it’s really old. don’t worry I love them dearly. dreams faith is a money symbol. that’s it. back home I had two cats a gecko a dog & a fish living in a studio apartment flooded with plants. we all loved each other. get yourself self together. I don’t like cliques. you inspire bullying. not in my house. even when I don’t have one. not in my house. what is a writer anyways completely literally on the other side of the globe. yeah maybe you could listen to those I’m so tired & burnt out. you took everything. hope u are happy.

I was baptized catholic. that obviously means nothing. because religion is capitalized it always has been so what of good people. there is no logic besides convert or die & really? fuck u. grow up.

& now again no money for things that actually change the world. in every avenue that I love. I have not read a woman author that inspires me because it’s the same clique. it’s over exhausted. to what. I think maybe now you have an idea. it’s what the western world tells me again, but I’m not that upset about it. it’s not a critic thing. it’s encouraging empathic love thing. small people are brilliant & we are all that. let it go was so fucking cute. angel walked in today with a microphone & an elsa capsulate. elsa is cold for a reason. to erase the past is to eradicate your self nourishments your love your heartbreak your loves. to common past is how I elaborate my future.

maybe I will dream again

maybe I will dream again

both of the men this morning in the interview were wearing pink I wonder if this was a coincidence? it’s a weird ideology. maybe they would negotiate or make an exception. otherwise maybe I say bye to academia I like it so much though. & it is so vital to humanity. there are so many religiously wrong things to say about this. & they could have easily told me this over the phone. well maybe they have some ideas. I think I will need to go the little people route. academia is so frustrating. how can a university pay you 15,000 per year & charge you 10,000 to get your PhD. I don’t how much they think you can sacrifice to catholic faith that is completely absurd. I emailed the doctor see what he says . I’m kind of emotional today no idea why. almost there. okay on my way to the interview.

a guy asked me today what my dreams were & honestly thought I wish I could continue my dreams without the obstacles of money this has to be my next step. discipline helps me also yes. balance. & sex. sex really helps me & cuddling. I feel lost when I feel like who I was. & when those people use manipulative techniques to tell me they will never change. I feel found when people know this & love & see & support me to continue to break barriers & find that true love. I don’t feel lost when I teach or play music because this is connection with respect & boundaries. but this is work there must be more of a balance.

I feel most found connecting to someone physically & intimately. I feel lost when I cannot feel a strong connection to my path. I feel lost in new beginnings. I feel lost when I feel stuck. I feel lost when I think I may fail without community. I feel lost when I feel I have failed at love. I feel lost if I am not achieving. I feel lost when. I feel lost when people tell me to care less or judge my passion or show extreme hatred & violence. I could stop swimming & drown. I feel lost when I am not in my body. I feel lost when my poetry mimics the physical world too appropriately. I feel lost when I feel people manipulate my natural character to trust. I feel lost when I’m not sure I can love. or be loved. when & how I usually feel lost : I guess more appropriate would when I don’t. I don’t feel lost when I’m touching someone I trust without words.

I guess I usually feel lost. my mind rabbit holes into worlds that make sense & don’t. whenever I don’t have money I feel lost because. this is quite strange somehow the algorithm has been reset. possibly consulting I am not sure was a random sponsored add to get from facebook. that would apply to business English & give me the opportunity to travel more. I did get a haircut for my interview tomorrow they did a really good job. gosh I need more clothes.

I love motorbikes

it actually was a dressed up real ninja he was japanese at the kareoke bar. I can’t forget. I was a cheerleader at karaoke & there were no crashes. philosophically it’s absurd but in practice. where should I go in bali. I will talk to the guy that named me beautiful. I would like some really comfortable sex now. I actually do miss him. he was different before I left but maybe I was too. it was her nice boyfriend dream with a dog.

I actually did not like the pink girl. I really like the black & white one. obviously. fuck you. why the fuck did your friends stand that. why did you make my scar like frankenstein why did you fuck up the surgery why did you put fucking pins in my hand when you could not break the bone. why the fuck did you break my hand without a bruise on you. why did you lie. why did you leave after every time youcalled the cops. what is actually a diplomat beyond knowing a bunch of random facts? wear slippers on your balcony & know the reason. we didn’t dance it was too crowded & the music was ah. we painted & sat & chilled & then our friend vomited & we went home. I don’t even take selfies anymore preschool is ruining me. I don’t know why this weird boy game I am not a fan. I want a partner.  tomorrow I have to go back to the warp zone. omg I missed it but it rained.

I think it was six

I didn’t get my amp again I just feel guilt it would be better if he dropped it off. & also. my student ray randomly asked me what is a rose when I was at my desk that’s why. it was somehow perfect though. It’s strange not to have a natural monitor & a fixed shoulder rest. I said three words in the taxi. yes & you too.

they called. everything I said was not for nothing. the next time we will plant chilies early to see the fruit grow. there was nothing in the news, but neither when I saved that other woman at a popular bar. so after playing my electric for the first time from when I couldn’t hear then could yes I rode home on a motor bike without a helmet & we passed a white man splayed on the concrete unconscious & he looked dead. it was very hard but I was numb from music.  it was hard. I recorded though I will listen to it for me.

I am really tired of people using their dreams on me.  I don’t know though just clawing over someone saying sweetie is NOT that. anti capitalism, I would want to be more private until the relationship was really developed. the public relationships I love most keep their secrets. I have never met the owner of my school called “THE doctor” but he should really reconsider his strategic plan if he wants to be legit.

my best friend knows this place

they only had TWO band aids in the whole school

that’s why but that’s not the picture

I think it was six

electric violin really beautiful music really bad bike crash body on street make white Falang looked dead five ambulances

if genetic makeup affects everything what is that genetic makeup made up of. molecules & energy control the tides of the sea how can we not believe planets emit this same energy. so we have those core components to when we are born. but every element is a player.

I miss my friend

the last unicorn

feel the need to bring lunch to school these eggs will kill you. & yes he had to deal with the half ton dead body of a horse which was not an easy thing to do. you will complain about your sister & how lonely she was.

tell her to move in with dad & block them all on your facebook. with less copper.

there will be so many love games that you know are actually intuitively stupid. do not participate. before or after. well maybe if those vows were ever true. whenever you are under stress wear glasses. don’t really need them. like the red poem. it’s love lane inn & an electric violin. don’t tell anyone it’s a secret. now its better with a heartbeat. a hello kitty band aid and some rest. if you can’t hug or forgive there is intrinsically something wrong with you. your horse lived to be 100. she was brilliant. hint: really don’t like this stone must be like the last unicorn.

I miss my friend

I have an idea

the birds are very hard to see you have to pay attention. & judgments, but I’m really glad she shared her tactics everything makes more sense now. & later for her education focused on human rights & still battles. the same bullshit every day. the girl at work who I knew I liked, but then so strange, I really do. I found out she was in the military for six years & I’m so sorry & probably more but just this fact. really cracks open my heart. got my tickets to bali was much easier this time around. one month.

my friends from munich contacted me I love them. I feel like I remember things on a lunar cycle without actually cognitively trying to remember them. I need sex violin & a computer. what is a rose.

I was very hard on the tinder people. thank you to the boys I like. in the end the cat does not come into the picture, but i will get my amp back. maybe a good book also or music. really crazy sex.

the sun is a crazy thing. he said that now he was a painter. which is okay because laughs are better than hate. well there’s a reason for orchestras. she traced my face. my eyebrows cheeks lips chin lips then tapped me on the head. I also thought about malaysia again but they said they didn’t like gay people and that’s like sacrilege. here we go I go on the night walk now. according to the chart this would be an s for strawberries. 15 years teaching the letter u? well, humanity needs all spectrums.

if you learn how to think better life is the craziest ride you could imagine. the point here is could. it pushes the mind in the best ways. otherwise you are happily dull & stagnant & easily controlled. they almost look down on achieving what’s up with that like a cage. what the fuck same with people that don’t like learning. even if you are a teacher what the hell. thankful today was so long bike passport taxi line walk photocopy sit transfer stamp eat photocopy argue with work line sit break sit don’t fall asleep walk coffee don’t fall asleep self massage to keep from falling asleep pay wait passport cigarette taxi don’t fall asleep home.

they should make an electronic song remixing “at counter number” from the voice at immigration. I’m so hungry. this is an experiment. I need another book & a friend & sex & I have an idea.

lanterns sacred personal home

every key without ever before learning the key when I trusted myself to truly play. today marks the day I played violin for the first after everything

omg the fire alarm again       …              our building has a defect alarm

I read a full book for the first time in a long while straight through a fable was nice. I just thought of marry poppins spoonful of sugar idealism. I don’t think is bad, hope I don’t either.  I still love the ocean & really beautiful hair knots. another common theme was travel collaboration & using money not as an aim but as a facilitator to things much greater secrets we already have the answer to if we listen. but the oasis of love was covered in palm trees & wells full of water. & ultimately hope was better than treasure. treasure just needed to be found to see that love was better. it can guide you to first self love then partnership. & was in the desert. The premise began as trusting your dreams & how they work with physical reality & relationships & lessons where ultimately neither magic nor nature knows of love but if one can communicate & trust rather than control & alienate then prayer not religious prayer but human prayer. about destiny. alchemy & trust & love & finding truth in what you knew all along if brave enough to follow your heart & messages from the universe I think that’s the first fiction book I have held & read for like 8 years. I need to read more was really calming. I like the strong hand to guide me & surprise me I surprise myself to much sometimes. how many poems wrapped around me breaking into the roof & morning was my favorite. what is the difference between follow your heart (American) follow the mind (Macedonian) the difference & why. also this slovenian liquor beer colored that tastes like honey with gold flakes : yesterday / was so nice.