cowboy

cowboy

I miss horses

why train a partner

to question everything

it was a stepping stone

to trust men again.

but that gentleman

thing still scares me

which is probably

what I want most

even though I love

the dirty sex thing

I should be thinking

about my visa.

he ended up marrying

a cowgirl

which I think is perfect

but I appreciate

those moments so much

I was so scared

of everything

but put me on a horse

& I’m home.

when he came to visit me

the cowboy

I would not

let him into my apartment

my best friend let him crash

at her place

across the hall. 

spurs & all. 

gosh was so scared

but he asked me out

on top of a horse

& that was pretty dreamy

& sweet

at that point in my life

I was so scared of men

from almost being killed. 

but that horse. 

gave me so much

we probably scare

the same but I empty

my fear because I understand.

he gave me the

hardest horse.  & we walked

calmly through water.

that’s when the young cowboy

fell in love with me

& gave me his hat. 

he took the picture.

.

horses

you didn’t believe her mother but her actions show everything confused & erased. maybe they knew the whole time why would they invite me into their home.  why would they call me back. but you need to accept without proof & without romantic notions I you are part. native. the edited red & black & white & yellow & green & purple. the last class we finger paint sheep. 

.

you pick the red paper. if we cherish small risk it’s much less likely we will get into a tsunami. just as much as success.Ā  one cannot learn without risk.Ā  therefore the community must be in tune with failure. deep breaths. you tell them they had breached their contract with abuse & you would not stand for abuse. she is not your sister in the hospital & perhaps this would have never happened if.

.

when they left you start crying in front of the whole class. your friend would have held you. you will say that was such shit. do not look at any of them. understand emotional punishment is a tool similar to demise.  your replacement will make your class cry. no one will listen look back to you at your desk asking for help. you cannot do anything.

.

circle time is just ritual & warm up. do not forget to ask for their name. think about the mouse. he also holds you.

loses his keys & leaves bruises on her thighs. when you ask about cooking the half moon is so bright like a sexy secret. somehow this is because of either horses or headphones or maybe both. ah yes. at this point you will have the most beautiful fun.