so many things went wrong today I thought my flight was pm
instead of am. my alarm didn’t go off because it’s set to am instead of
pm but I woke up without my alarm was happy to get to the airport & then
very sad. I didn’t have money in my wells Fargo but in such a panic forgot that
I slipped it into my back pocket & then when I did get a hold of my mother
thought it was also stolen & my parents shouts at me cancel it I did but
then found it & was too late now have only two thousand bhat & no one
to ask to help till the end of the month. I am happy I have a flight and
feel really stupid like I just don’t think I even had the security guard help
me & everything air asia was so mean they sent me on a wild goose chase I
could have been to bkk so much earlier.
the stolen goods case was sad except for swimming in the
ocean that was so nice. so was playing with the band but I had this strange
feeling that they all thought if I played with them I would hook up with
them. that was kind of frustrating just like I cannot reach my twitter
accounts and I get no response gosh the whole airport incident is so old I really
need to triple check everything other and over and over I hate when I go into
feel because I forget really small things who ever ends up to be my partner I
hope that they can help me. I don’t know if he will want to hang out I
feel as though maybe he’s annoyed because I asked him for help. I could
just ask dis I offend you but then I would be vulnerable and with him I feel
less cute than with the bassist. the bassist is sweet even though he is so
short. but the say he speaks and acts is with such kindness instead of
this distant thing I wish I had been able to make it today.
the only student you have is with yourself. what I jerk
that air asia guy was I tried looking straight into his soul & he had a
cold heart. I understand people’s faults it was my fault & then he
punished me. if only they had let me purchase the ticket at the time I
wanted everything probably would have been fine but they wanted to wait and
wait just like I feel so guilty for making him wait.
I thought about another today. his husband liked my
picture he’s australian & they love bali & was two guys chilling on the
beach don’t know if they were gay or not. it’s raining but I don’t want to
go inside I really hate being inside. there is a person next to meet
smoking a cigarette there is a can of beer next to me & I’m front of
me. I can’t tell what they want I will pick up the can. I just did they
are probably still watching is okay.
I keep on trying to think of what was the most poetic thing I
did over the weekend & is probably two fold
my first night playing
well many folded
making friends with a guy that can type but just cannot speak
pronounce & laughed so sweet every time.
swimming in the ocean in surf really well… a girl kind of
kicked me that last day and made me feel very uncomfortable with her glad of
hatred when she actually kicked me but she didn’t really I think as a surfer I
was disrupting her beginners flow. she catty asked me afterwards I said
no worries & her eyes called as her mate distracted her from her present
self made victory was really weird
the australian was amusing. I don’t really get why in a
four sided smoking perch of all four sides people keep sitting on my side I’m
obviously busy for a reason. maybe that’s a compliment he’s european they
love those voice chats I have no whatsapp this is kind of interesting my number
will change again I didn’t want it the change the theifs ruined
everything.
I like the sounds of this more than thieves the later always
reminds me of sieve & that. To me sounds much more positive. not that
I haven’t been a the if & yes this was thrilling but I stole small objexts
from retail or gift shops not the poor. they had no idea knowing I was
poor maybe that’s why they didn’t take my wallet but obviously they were
entranced by the German presentation of my media equipment. which is sad
bc I worked really hard for that & if that hadn’t happened I would not have
run into any of these other strange endeavors.
So now without internet and with the show I write to pass the
time and ramble bc that is better than scrolling in an airport for hours which
I have to be used to by now but am not.
I would listen to music but my library has been erased.
my friend. sent me a weird message and I could not still cannot tell if she was
mocking me? she said where are you in Germany or Thailand but didn’t ask
how I was? People don’t pay attention unless with hashtags.
I have enjoyed being sore in my body I love swimming &
walking the coast & sex as exercise. the australian was clever said can I
stay with you fueled fucked me which. I think we both needed after the recent
trauma he also had a girlfriend gosh jillian when. will you meet someone who
wants to give his all to you. I have two and a half hours left I think that I
am doing okay. It’s nice is the lounge of the smokers there is not really
any judgment.
but yes. he fucked much better, but not the best &
no I didn’t come. he reflected upon this also. part of me thinks he
was a part of the scam. but then that would be me thinking very ill of an
over exuberant inappropriate at times not very culturally aware lover which if
u had ever met the norwegian punk guy hooked on pills & broke in my living
room would think this guys was pretty tame.
I will go I’m when I have to pee I am frustrated that
the air asia guy won in a sort of way but at least I didn’t not have to hand
over my card when I found it in my back pocket it was folded bent. maybe
that was a sign.
I hate not having internet without the option of wifi when
there is no activity. the thought did cross my mind of playing for some
extra cash while I waited at the airport but I think there must be some sort of
law against that. My body is getting tire however I think that I will need to
move inside at some point strange how strangers are content to be
strangers in public & how I always feel so unsure about him bc he doesn’t
follow me anymore last. Night was the first. Time he did in such a long time
& I felt like my excitement of fusion and incalculable vibes just made me
unravel. Will go inside soon I’m starting to get sore from sitting
crossed legged how do these monks do it.
I do have to say I was so brave this trip. mostly besides the
return I hate endings. I’m so bad at them will just have to see I just don’t
want to go back inside.
aircon comfy seats fan & iced tea & music & wifi
are also extremely beautiful as well as completely beautiful friend s that
don’t make me feel bad for asking for help