my horse died today

the bar was slammed_shouting into a dark agreement: “this is the atmosphere”

 

the show: vagina monologues performed by bangkok rising_an up n growing volunteer organization aiming to raise awareness and promote advocacy to end violence against women and children across a myriad of cultures_values_beliefs_& experience

 

vagina monologues is a play written by eve ensler_ensler created the play based off of real interviews with women and the relationships they have with their bodies_this global non-profit movement promotes the international stage of the play as it esteems the voracious_the shame_the aggression_the wisdom_the liberation_the tenderness_the laughter_the ugliness and beauty_of the encompass; a womans experience of her body

 

the venue: checkinn 99_is a cabaret club and nightclub located off of sukhumvit in bangkok_thailand_both parties donated all funds from the performances to “in search of sanuk”: a local non-profit organization that reinvigorates survivors of torture & trauma

 

we retain meaning_we are not all survivors_some of us are

 

the play opens with a series of voices_most prominently rising towards justice_when “the story is told” & the “law is a living and breathing thing”_I witnessed both performances & each was appropriate & significant_during the first show I could not stop that loud guttural sometimes inappropriate laugh_ during the second watch I listened to the monologue “water village” a story based off of female genital mutilation & I had to leave

 

7-10 people in thailand agree that abuse is a permissible action_3-4 women in the united states are abused in some manner during their lifetime_I left the building_I came home_I drank_I left for morning to get breakfast with a friend_I left my purse with my friend_I blacked out and woke up in the lobby of a thailand police station crying as I asked them to take me home

 

“are you sure this is who you are?” they kept asking me_ laughing_the police chief drove me home on his new classy private white motorbike_I remember the folks giving me a tour of the station_I do not know if this was real

 

I went to a punk show the next night_I spiked my friends hair for three hours_I jumped in the mosh pit_I fell down_I was picked up_many times_I sat outside and someone kicked me in my back_I made out with a someone_I spent the night with a someone_I wondered what they hell was going on and where I was going to move

 

I went to work_I did laundry_I thought about how reprogramming the after effects of trauma are instrumental connections to the movement of ones own multiple characters

 

today my mother emailed me to let me know that my horse died_her mothers name was saturday sunday_she died on my sunday and her saturday_the best confluence of moments happened in forgiveness

 

I am a survivor_ it is the year of the lunar horse

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