asking for help

so many things went wrong today I thought my flight was pm instead of am.  my alarm didn’t go off because it’s set to am instead of pm but I woke up without my alarm was happy to get to the airport & then very sad. I didn’t have money in my wells Fargo but in such a panic forgot that I slipped it into my back pocket & then when I did get a hold of my mother thought it was also stolen & my parents shouts at me cancel it I did but then found it & was too late now have only two thousand bhat & no one to ask to help till the end of the month.  I am happy I have a flight and feel really stupid like I just don’t think I even had the security guard help me & everything air asia was so mean they sent me on a wild goose chase I could have been to bkk so much earlier.  

the stolen goods case was sad except for swimming in the ocean that was so nice. so was playing with the band but I had this strange feeling that they all thought if I played with them I would hook up with them.  that was kind of frustrating just like I cannot reach my twitter accounts and I get no response gosh the whole airport incident is so old I really need to triple check everything other and over and over I hate when I go into feel because I forget really small things who ever ends up to be my partner I hope that they can help me.  I don’t know if he will want to hang out I feel as though maybe he’s annoyed because I asked him for help.  I could just ask dis I offend you but then I would be vulnerable and with him I feel less cute than with the bassist. the bassist is sweet even though he is so short. but the say he speaks and acts is with such kindness instead of this distant thing I wish I had been able to make it today.  

the only student you have is with yourself.  what I jerk that air asia guy was I tried looking straight into his soul & he had a cold heart.  I understand people’s faults it was my fault & then he punished me.  if only they had let me purchase the ticket at the time I wanted everything probably would have been fine but they wanted to wait and wait just like I feel so guilty for making him wait.  

I thought about another today.  his husband liked my picture he’s australian & they love bali & was two guys chilling on the beach don’t know if they were gay or not. it’s raining but I don’t want to go inside I really hate being inside. there is a person next to meet smoking a cigarette there is a can of beer next to me & I’m front of me. I can’t tell what they want I will pick up the can. I just did they are probably still watching is okay.  

I keep on trying to think of what was the most poetic thing I did over the weekend & is probably two fold 

my first night playing
well many folded
making friends with a guy that can type but just cannot speak pronounce & laughed so sweet every time.  
swimming in the ocean in surf really well… a girl kind of kicked me that last day and made me feel very uncomfortable with her glad of hatred when she actually kicked me but she didn’t really I think as a surfer I was disrupting her beginners flow.  she catty asked me afterwards I said no worries & her eyes called as her mate distracted her from her present self made victory was really weird 

the australian was amusing.  I don’t really get why in a four sided smoking perch of all four sides people keep sitting on my side I’m obviously busy for a reason.  maybe that’s a compliment he’s european they love those voice chats I have no whatsapp this is kind of interesting my number will change again I didn’t want it the change the theifs ruined everything.  

I like the sounds of this more than thieves the later always reminds me of sieve & that. To me sounds much more positive.  not that I haven’t been a the if & yes this was thrilling but I stole small objexts from retail or gift shops not the poor. they had no idea knowing I was poor maybe that’s why they didn’t take my wallet but obviously they were entranced by the German presentation of my media equipment. which is sad bc I worked really hard for that & if that hadn’t happened I would not have run into any of these other strange endeavors.  

So now without internet and with the show I write to pass the time and ramble bc that is better than scrolling in an airport for hours which I have to be used to by now but am not.  
I would listen to music but my library has been erased.  my friend. sent me a weird message and I could not still cannot tell if she was mocking me?  she said where are you in Germany or Thailand but didn’t ask how I was?  People don’t pay attention unless with hashtags.  

I have enjoyed being sore in my body I love swimming & walking the coast & sex as exercise. the australian was clever said can I stay with you fueled fucked me which. I think we both needed after the recent trauma he also had a girlfriend gosh jillian when. will you meet someone who wants to give his all to you. I have two and a half hours left I think that I am doing okay.  It’s nice is the lounge of the smokers there is not really any judgment.  

but yes. he fucked much better,  but not the best & no I didn’t come.  he reflected upon this also.  part of me thinks he was a part of the scam.  but then that would be me thinking very ill of an over exuberant inappropriate at times not very culturally aware lover which if u had ever met the norwegian punk guy hooked on pills & broke in my living room would think this guys was pretty tame. 

I  will go I’m when I have to pee I am frustrated that the air asia guy won in a sort of way but at least I didn’t not have to hand over my card when I found it in my back pocket it was folded bent. maybe that was a sign. 

I hate not having internet without the option of wifi when there is no activity. the thought did cross my mind of playing for some extra cash while I waited at the airport but I think there must be some sort of law against that. My body is getting tire however I think that I will need to move inside at some point strange how strangers are content to be strangers in public & how I always feel so unsure about him bc he doesn’t follow me anymore last. Night was the first. Time he did in such a long time & I felt like my excitement of fusion and incalculable vibes just made me unravel.  Will go inside soon I’m starting to get sore from sitting crossed legged how do these monks do it.  

I do have to say I was so brave this trip. mostly besides the return I hate endings. I’m so bad at them will just have to see I just don’t want to go back inside. 

aircon comfy seats fan & iced tea & music & wifi are also extremely beautiful as well as completely beautiful friend s that don’t make me feel bad for asking for help

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