I am not sure about walking home that was a little scary. & they wanted me to wait two hours to check if the insurance would pay while I had no pain killers what assholes the medical establishment is. she said a nice thing I don’t want my kids to see my falling apart just when I’m better. she was in hospice told she would die three times. I’m not so sure I should just so easily hand over my life to my dad he said nothing of how he treated me no apology nothing. wow feel so much better after meditating. was in a fear state struggling with my eyes and mind. the surgeon made a joke about glory holes. I asked the doctor about how one gets a sty. it’s so uncomfortable. I survived the sty eye operation then walked home in a light rain with my poor eye. slightly affected by the aesthetic well greatly that was quite a task my left eye doesn’t want to open. I guess she has als but is getting a wheelchair now. & a different doctor. should I let him follow me on instagram probably? Then my mom can see it. my dad finally wrote me an email when I told him that I wanted to get permission to speak to the case worker then said he was happy for my life and he loved me. what the heck. I am getting eye surgery. I hope the mean boy leaves I really want to tell him but I’m not sure it would matter. she gave me a really good tip when they go low go high when they go high go low.

school today went great scared about my eye friday. the case worker wants to tell my mom’s diagnosis meaning my mom is lying? meaning she is getting dementia. she was not getting dementia. my dad refuses to tell me what’s going on. exercise meditation and practice is really awesome. I think too I just feel safe. I told chris everything & my hand now starts to hurt. 40 min of exercise is quite good & I enjoyed the structure very much. easier to practice if u have a goal. reminded me of the first master class I took with her when I was 12. my first graduate studies a.

what’s happening with my mom is horrible I cannot believe he went on my mother’s email and dictated an email to me. my mom saying that she hates him. he should be ashamed. I hope the case worker goes back. I hope my poem about my dad is published next month. like the exercise I’ll do both. I practiced scales and specifics and chord changes. it’s so sweet cause I can hear how she created the exercises. what a craziness she has been through she always reminds me of strength. I’m glad after twenty years to have her back in my life.

that pretty much means I passed probation. I passed probation today. they were much better I did a lot of grading. my cold is also surprisingly better. my skype ironically just phased out. what a shit I had to report my dad again to the case worker. I think I found a routine school exercise shower meditate play. the sink finally broke broke gotta go to home pro. I also got my official insurance card I think. & I have guilt even though not small over roscoe. also the kitty is adopted.


you wish you could take different

days to teach a different age

you miss preschool & did not in fact go out

visited your neighbor. conundrum speaking to a computer.

go to speakerbox why not

you could go dancing don’t have to go to speakerbox

or you could go to speakerbox

you go next door your neighbors they seem friendlier

yesterday was so hard was shit but I survived

I don’t know if I should go out

wow the outcome is I love my friend always. and always means always

and at that moment that is the only thing I wanted in this strange alone world was to be kissed & wanted. I was a member of their new band two big things I didn’t know. another shows up & says kiss me out of the blue. I said yeah I play at an open mic. then there was a big rain storm

  1. The singer had a girlfriend & b. his best friend was manic.
  2. I don’t think I made any sense. so many people were able to pretend. I couldn’t understand any of it.
  3. was so weird beijing was so weird.
    1. so then his dad had to deal with only death way hard nothing to criticize
    1. made me really sick he had just lost his mom
    1. the dying colleague is true everyone got over it so quick he was borderline autistic
      1. my coworker described this to me not many can there are nine people ruling china. stop end fact. they do not give a fuck about you. end of story.

this is when I should have reported him formally it was already reported but I had to go to the station but then I would be homeless

  1. maybe I should block my memories
  2. that was straight up horrible unfortunately it only gets worse from here
  3. even though people are weird at least I have friends & speak the language
  4. hell does exist
  5. my god that was a scary time

I managed to make it to meditation. today was our test on the haiti refugee situation

all of my memories are about my broken hand which I’m not fond of.

I will meditate when I get home

I cannot go to meditation today I’m caught in a monsoon

I would like to go on a motorbike trip with someone & get on a hike

otherwise I want to play my heart on the violin

well I will still play my heart out

today I will practice

chocolate was for breakfast. hopefully my date is free today this blows. she has another nightmare but luckily can’t remember it. it will be okay. I forgot to eat yesterday was so stupid. sometimes you just have to remind yourself you are pretty. like differing views of logic.  we planted zinnias which will be flowering soon including a mystery plant. I don’t actually give stickers because I think that you can inspire motivation by watering plants. I always give it’s my thing, but the world should allow me to do this without deficit. the whole greed thing it’s really old. don’t worry I love them dearly. dreams faith is a money symbol. that’s it. back home I had two cats a gecko a dog & a fish living in a studio apartment flooded with plants. we all loved each other. get yourself self together. I don’t like cliques. you inspire bullying. not in my house. even when I don’t have one. not in my house. what is a writer anyways completely literally on the other side of the globe. yeah maybe you could listen to those I’m so tired & burnt out. you took everything. hope u are happy.

I was baptized catholic. that obviously means nothing. because religion is capitalized it always has been so what of good people. there is no logic besides convert or die & really? fuck u. grow up.

& now again no money for things that actually change the world. in every avenue that I love. I have not read a woman author that inspires me because it’s the same clique. it’s over exhausted. to what. I think maybe now you have an idea. it’s what the western world tells me again, but I’m not that upset about it. it’s not a critic thing. it’s encouraging empathic love thing. small people are brilliant & we are all that. let it go was so fucking cute. angel walked in today with a microphone & an elsa capsulate. elsa is cold for a reason. to erase the past is to eradicate your self nourishments your love your heartbreak your loves. to common past is how I elaborate my future.

I miss my friend

I have an idea

the birds are very hard to see you have to pay attention. & judgments, but I’m really glad she shared her tactics everything makes more sense now. & later for her education focused on human rights & still battles. the same bullshit every day. the girl at work who I knew I liked, but then so strange, I really do. I found out she was in the military for six years & I’m so sorry & probably more but just this fact. really cracks open my heart. got my tickets to bali was much easier this time around. one month.

my friends from munich contacted me I love them. I feel like I remember things on a lunar cycle without actually cognitively trying to remember them. I need sex violin & a computer. what is a rose.

I was very hard on the tinder people. thank you to the boys I like. in the end the cat does not come into the picture, but i will get my amp back. maybe a good book also or music. really crazy sex.

the sun is a crazy thing. he said that now he was a painter. which is okay because laughs are better than hate. well there’s a reason for orchestras. she traced my face. my eyebrows cheeks lips chin lips then tapped me on the head. I also thought about malaysia again but they said they didn’t like gay people and that’s like sacrilege. here we go I go on the night walk now. according to the chart this would be an s for strawberries. 15 years teaching the letter u? well, humanity needs all spectrums.

if you learn how to think better life is the craziest ride you could imagine. the point here is could. it pushes the mind in the best ways. otherwise you are happily dull & stagnant & easily controlled. they almost look down on achieving what’s up with that like a cage. what the fuck same with people that don’t like learning. even if you are a teacher what the hell. thankful today was so long bike passport taxi line walk photocopy sit transfer stamp eat photocopy argue with work line sit break sit don’t fall asleep walk coffee don’t fall asleep self massage to keep from falling asleep pay wait passport cigarette taxi don’t fall asleep home.

they should make an electronic song remixing “at counter number” from the voice at immigration. I’m so hungry. this is an experiment. I need another book & a friend & sex & I have an idea.