part one

was just published super thankful is an amazing read

sorry teacher I forgot. I needed you to remind me. do you want to know I got a c in french and ap chemistry & still graduated with honors? it was that first balcony of the munich summer we walked the narrow cobblestone roads licking the isar river & drinking some sky. birthday posts always make me miss so many at once old & new. when the universe deals you a temporary wrong hand it’s always such a sweet demonstration of the complete complete right ones, if only for a moment, in disguise.

I should have never fallen for german boys they emptied me. she manipulated the yellow dress to say slow down so her deficit was null. I really do not like some people right now & really love some people right now & they know who they are. I still can’t find home. my dad told me I don’t have a home & he’s scared about one with him. I don’t have a home quite literally.

for me not for anyone else I still try to help but it was lost. at least here I can tell my neighbors to turn their fucking music down in my apartment. it’s actually the worst feeling that you are leaving a place not on youtube terms. I hate auto correct. I miss cooking I miss kitchens maybe in beijing I will have a real house & not feel so temporary.

I didn’t learn about love however until I had given up.

really wish I had stayed there that was the start of my demise. of boys. I don’t want this to be a theme any more.

the exclamation was from high school. every high school should greet you with an exclamation point. super grounding. I will write about the birthday weekend after book day. maybe I will meet a boy I’m very shy.

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